Shattered Lives
by thebelleoftheball
Summary: Nate, Chuck and Blair have been best friends their whole lives. This is the story of a secret 10 year love affair and how the betrayal of a best friend shattered the lives of these three friends. AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N This is my first FF so PLEASE be gentle! :) I had this idea about a N/C/B love triangle that wouldn't go away. I think its going to be pretty dark, but I'm not totally sure where its going yet. Hopefully this first chapter turned out the way I wanted it to. I'm not sure if I'm going to do the whole story going between present and flashbacks or if im going to work up to the present. We'll see. Hope you like it. BTW...I had no beta so if the grammer is horrible I am so sorry!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters.

His breath was caught in his chest and his fists clenched in rage. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom watching what was undeniably the backside of his betrothed riding the writhing sweaty body of his life long best friend. He was frozen, unable to remove his eyes from the mahogany haired lovers. Her curls swaying along her bare back as she moaned in ecstasy. The hands of the man between her thighs running from her ass all the way up her back landing on her small breasts. She threw her head back and called her lover's name as he returned his hands to her backside to lift her body up and down his hard member with greater urgency. She leaned forward to give her lover a passionate kiss. Then Nate, still standing watching his world crumble, heard his best friend tell his fiance, "I love you, Blair."

With this admission Nate snapped out of his frozen shock and lunged at the oblivious couple. "You son of a bitch" he grunted as he stalked full force towards the man he thought of as a brother and pulled him out of bed while punching his face. He heard a woman scream, but his tunnel vision only allowed him to see the man's face as his fist made contact with it over and over. "You miserable bastard! Is this some kind of game for you? To seduce the woman I am to marry...to seduce Blair? Why her? Anyone but her!" He felt a hand grab his shoulder that could have only been hers and before he could think he reared his hand back and made collision with Blair's face. She fell backwards with a cry. "You WHORE! Do not touch me! I am done with both of you. Everything is over" he glared between the two lovers both of whom were covering themselves with blankets and holding their bruised faces "everything between us is over. I hope it was worth throwing it all away." With that he threw the ring that was the exact replica of the rings worn by the other two down between them on the floor and left the room, the large home of his best friend which he had practically grown up in himself and their lives.

Blair ran over to her lover who was still crouching on the floor. His face blooded and swollen. "Chuck, Oh God! Oh God, I am so sorry; are you okay? Oh God, are you okay?" Franticly wiping his face, crying so hard she could barely breath. "This is all my fault. I've ruined everything. I am so sorry. Please be okay."

Chuck's hand slowly and weakly reached up to the bruise now showing on Blair's cheek. "No, the blame is on me. I could never help but love you." He pulled her to him so she was laying her head against his chest. They laid there crying and comforting each other. They had known that one day sooner rather than later they would have to confess their betrayal to the man who had been their best friend all their lives. They knew once they had, nothing would be the same for the three people who had once called their friendship unbreakable who even wore matching rings to symbolize their bond. Unbeknownst to Nate, though, they've been living this betrayal for past ten years.

**10 years prior**

Christmas time in the Upper East Side was always a special time of year. More so probably for the three fifteen year olds sitting in the Bass penthouse under a giant evergreen two nights before Christmas. Chuck Bass, Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald were the poster kids for privileged children. There was nothing any of them wanted for, nothing was out of their reach. They were raised by nannies, had personal drivers and trust funds large enough to feed some third world countries. They had known each other their whole lives. Their parents all ran in the same social circle in the UES, belonging to the same clubs, attending the same functions, vacationing together in the Hamptons together. So the three of the had created a bond untouchable to outsiders.

Nate was the golden boy. He excelled at every sport he'd every played, was well liked by all the kids and their parents they associated with and knew how to charm his way out of every situation by working that all American look. His sandy blond hair was darkening with age, but his blue eyes always sparkled and his smile was framed by two perfect dimples. Nate's life was set in stone from conception. He'd go Ivey, take over his father's investment firm on Wall St., eventually follow in the Vanderbilt legacy of politics, and marry Blair. Though the last was not official, neither of their parents ever shy-ed away from their desires to see the two old money families finally merge.

Blair Waldorf was quintessential Type A personality type. She overachieved in school, and never dreamed of leaving her penthouse without being perfectly dressed. She was her mother's living doll, always wearing one of her designs. Dark hair always curled perfectly topped with a coordinating headband. Her father wrapped around her finger thinking she could do no wrong. On the outside everyone thought that Blair had the perfect life. All the money in the world, a last name that got her in any door in Manhattan and well on her way to Yale which had always been her dream school. The truth was on the inside it was all a facade. Her parents lived in a loveless marriage and barely spoke to one another. Her mother constantly criticized everything about Blair's looks and she was dealing with anxiety issues that had parlayed into an eating disorder. Blair had started to take out her insecurities on her fellow classmates. Not hesitant to put them down for their outfits or scheme against someone who stood in her way of being top in her class. She had begun enlisting the help of Chuck who was always more than eager to help plot against someone.

Chuck was the mischief maker. Dark haired with hazel eyes that always had light dancing in them. His father was a self made billionaire real estate tycoon who spent more time working out his latest takeover rather than spend time with his only son. Chuck's mother had died during childbirth, a fact that Chuck believed caused the strained relationship between him and his father. Chuck grew up at the Palace with pretty much free reign seeing as it was part of the Bass empire. He grew up faster than the other two. Teaching them their first cuss words, stealing the first cigarette and teaching the other two innocents all about sex which he had begun having. Chuck didn't have Nate's ability to charm everyone or Blair's need to be Queen and rule every one. In fact the only things Chuck cared about were money, the joys money brought him , and Nate and Blair. They were his family and he would do anything for them.

So there they were, these three friends who had shared so much together in their fifteen years. Getting in trouble together, wiping each others tears when a parent had gone out of town for work instead of being there for a birthday, and the joys of being wealthy children in the city.

"Chuck, I am ready to see this _amazing_ Christmas gift you've gotten us." Blair said rolling her eyes and smothering on the sarcasm.

With a chuckle Chuck pulled three matching gift wrapped boxes and gave one to each of them. "Trust me Princess, you will not be let down. Okay I just want to say that I wanted to give you guys something that symbolizes our friendship and..." he gave his trademarked Bass smirk, "makes us exclusive to all the other lower class wannabes."

It was Nate's turn to roll his eyes and laugh. "You're such an elitist dude."

"Nathaniel, it is us against them. We just need to remind them that they'll never be as good as us."

"Chuck's right. My status as Queen B of Constance deserves respect and I should be revered as the Queen I am." With that both boys mocked curtseyed and began confessing to be her loyal subjects. With a laugh she replied, "Okay, I wanna open my present from Chuck now!"

At the same time all three of them ripped open the small boxes. Inside each of them was a platinum ring with an eternity sign engraved on it. Chuck made sure the rings were very simple and classic so even Nate would want to wear it.

"Oh my gosh Chuck, this is so beautiful. I love it." Blair leaned over to her friend and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Nate patted him on the back with a big smile, "Chuck, dude, thank you."

"I thought these really could symbolize just how much you two mean to me. I know that rings are kind of lame, but you guys are my family and I wanted to share something special with you."

"Chuck, you are so thoughtful. You know when you aren't being a total perv." Blair smiled up at Chuck as she gave him a meaningful hug.

After exchanging a few more gifts Blair backed up to stand awkwardly next to Nate. "Well, I guess there is something we need to tell you Chuck. You know our parents have always wanted Nate and I to be together. So we kind of have decided to start dating. You know...boyfriend/girlfriend." The couple shared a quick sweet smile at each other.

Chuck's eyes darkened and his expression turned into a mask. "Oh well, yeah I mean of course you've always known you would end up together so I guess its time for me to be the third wheel." He tried to blow of the news with a semi-joke hoping his two friends wouldn't see how upset he was by hearing it.

The couple took Chuck at his word and continued with their Christmas, exchanging the rest of their gifts among them.

Later that night Chuck stopped by the Waldorf penthouse to bring Blair some presents she had left behind his place. No one was up downstairs so he let himself into Blair's room. He rapped on the door to her bedroom and softly called her name. Since the door was cracked he let himself in only to find the room empty. He heard a noise and saw a light coming from her bathroom so he put the presents he brought over on her desk and sat on her bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. That's when he heard a noise he wasn't expecting coming from her bathroom. Chuck could hear Blair w retching and getting sick. He jumped off the bed to go and help her. When he began opening the door he could see her reflection in the mirror and he saw her hunched over the toilet with her finger down her throat forcing the violent reaction.

"Blair" Chuck had meant her name to come out forcefully, but it barely was a whimper. She turned her head to see her friend starring at her.

"Oh God Chuck. What are you doing here?" She screamed out to him.

"What the Hell are you doing Blair?" He replied back finally finding his voice. "You're making yourself sick?" You couldn't miss the concern in his face and voice. He walked over to where she was sitting on the cold bathroom floor. "Why would you do this?"

Blair began to sob. "You don't understand. My mother tells me every day that I'm not good enough. I'm too fat, not pretty. The girls at school are starting to turn against me, and the pressures of trying to be perfect to get into Yale are _killing_ me." She had never told anyone about how she was feeling, but it was like with Chuck once she opened the flood gates the truth that she had been holding in all just came out. He brought her head to his chest and began stroking her back while she cried. He rocked her telling her that it was okay to let it all out. Blair admitted that it had been a fight between her and her mother earlier that evening that had sent Blair into her spiral.

"You can't tell Nate about this." She looked up at him with red eyes. "Swear to me Chuck, you cannot let him know about this."

"I promise, but I don't think its a good idea to keep this from him. I mean he is your boyfriend." Chuck replied trying his hardest not to sound bitter.

After sitting together on the bathroom floor for what felt like forever, Blair wiped the tears from her eyes and began standing up. "I'm going to wash my face, brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Will you wait for me in my room?" Chuck replied with a nod of his head and left her to clean herself up.

Chuck was sitting on the bed when she walked out of the bathroom in a soft pink satin nightie that made Chuck really appreciate the fact that his best friend was really becoming a woman. "Will you come and lay down with me?" Blair asked still weak from her episode.

The two teenagers laid down facing each other in Blair's blue satin sheets. Chuck had taken off his shoes and jacket to make himself more comfortable. He tucked a curl behind her ear and ran his hand down her arm. "Blair, I want to tell you something and you have to promise to believe me." She nodded at him. Her doe eyes starring deep into his. "You are so amazing and beautiful. Like painfully so. You are smart and know what you want, and you have no idea what a turn on that is." He then gave her his devilish smirk "and you're a vindictive bitch sometimes and that's really really hot." Blair smacked his shoulder and giggled. "Seriously, I know you are going thru a lot right now at home and school, but you are loved. By me and Nathaniel and your Mom and Dad do love you even if they don't know how to show you. If you ever need to talk about the pressure you're feeling please, please Blair come talk to me. Please don't make yourself sick. When you hurt yourself you're hurting me too because you're my family. Remember?" He took her hand in his and began playing with her new ring on her finger. He then brought it to his lips and gave the ring and her finger a light lingering kiss.

Blair scooted closer towards him keeping her tear filled eyes locked with his. She leaned in and placed a tender kiss on his plump lips. Neither one moved to either break or increase the kiss. They sat there lips touching for what seemed like eternity. Finally Chuck pulled back. "Blair, what about Nate? You're dating him now, we can't do this to him."

She cradled his face in her hand. Tracing his lips with her fingers. Reluctantly she pulled away from his body. "You're right. Nate is the one I am suppose to be with. Our parents want it so there is no point in delaying it." Chuck clenched his jaw. He would never be the person meant to be with Blair Waldorf.

"Will you stay the night and hold me?"

"Yes." As if he had a choice. He'd do anything Blair asked him. He had loved her for as long as he could remember.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and alerted the story. Please continue reviewing bc I would love some feedback. Especially as the story continues to play out. So this chapter is a little more choppy, but consider it a montage to get the story to where it needs to be. I've decided to tell the story in flashback and bring it up to the begining scene and beyond. I've pretty much got the story plotted out, and I cannot wait to get to the end. There is some foreshadowing in this chapter so pay attention and OH some C and B bow-chika-wow-wow! You've been warned! I really hope you enjoy reading this! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl. **

Like promised Chuck never told Nate about what he witnessed that night at the Waldorf penthouse in Blair's bathroom. Never told him about her bulimia, her anxiety, her stressful relationship with her mother. He never told him about the tender kiss they shared and how Chuck held a hurt Blair in this arms all night. Stroked her hair while she cried; nuzzled his nose in the crook of her neck while she slept. Chuck never told anyone about that. Who would he tell. All he had in the world were Nate and Blair. He was in love with Blair, but Nate was his brother. Without the two of them in his life he truly had nothing. So he remained the loyal friend while Nate and Blair's courtship became the Golden Fairytale of the Upper East Side.

Throughout the next year the three friends remained as close as ever. The most popular group in school. Blair still ruled Constance, Nate was still star athlete and Chuck was still sleeping his way thru every socialite between 75th st and 95th. Nate and Blair were the "Golden Couple" but truthfully times were few and far between when it wasn't the trio together.

It was in the May of their Junior year when life began to chip away at their club of three they had created. Chuck was at Blair's studying for their Chemistry final while Nate was at Lacrosse practice after school. This was their usual weekly routine since Blair and Chuck had most of their advanced classes together.

Blair let out the fourth loud sigh in a row while laying on her stomach on her bed with Chuck sitting up against the pillows beside her. "Blair" Chuck drawled out, " is there something you need to talk about? You're making it pretty hard to concentrate while huffing and puffing over there ."

Blair smacked Chuck on the leg. "I do not huff NOR puff Basshole." Then a pout formed on her lips. "I keep catching Nate stare at Serena Van Der Woodsen. Its her blond hair. Nate has always liked blonds."

"Yes, but he loooooves a certain charming brunette I know." Chuck teased. Blair rolled her eyes and laughed. She loved these alone times with him. It was one of the few times the two serious teens were able to relax and actually be silly teenagers. Chuck didn't mention to her that he too had noticed Nate's eyes wandering to the bubbly blond who was part of Blair's entourage of girls. He couldn't be responsible for wiping off the smile that was now on her face.

Two weeks later Nate's father, the Captain, was arrested for embezzlement. Looking back on this time, Chuck would note that this was the beginning of the end for his make-shift family however at the time how would any of them had known that.

Blair sat on the large chair in the formal living room of the Archibald townhome. Her face red and swollen from hours of crying. Chuck paced back and forth along the fireplace while Nate sat Indian style in front of the couch. "I just don't understand why they think shipping you off to your grandfather's estate is going to make things easier for you." Blair repeated for the millionth time. The idea of Nate being forced to move out of the city to avoid scandal brought on from his father's arrest seem like they were the ones being punished for his crimes. "You're going to miss your Senior year. You're going to miss every important event ever!" she sobbed.

Nate got up to sit next to her on the chair and pulled her into snuggle with him. "Okay Miss Dramatic. Its going to be fine. I will still be able to come back for important things, and living with Grandfather won't be the worst thing ever. His place his huge and its close to my cousin Tripp's place. It will be fine. We will talk all the time. It will be like nothing has changed." He made eye contact with Chuck the two boys having a silent conversation between them. Both wanting to believe what Nate was saying. Nothing could ever take away the special bond the three of them shared. They were connected together for eternity. Nate's mother came in and told them it was time to say their goodbyes. A weepy Blair and stoic Chuck hugged Nate with promises to see him soon. The three of them had never spent more than a week apart from each other, but like Chuck's father told the somber pair once they returned to the Bass penthouse after saying goodbye to Nate, it was time for them to grow up and face the reality of moving on.

That Summer was a quite one. Nate came and spent one week with them in the Hamptons, but other than that they did not see him. Blair and Chuck spent less time together as well. Blair spent most of her days on the beach or shopping with her minions while Chuck spent most of his time chasing women. After being back in the city for a week, Blair showed up at Chucks like a woman on a mission. "You Basstard! I've already lost one best friend and I refuse to let you push me away as well!" She hadn't even let him greet her after opening the door before beginning her tirade. "If you think you can just get rid of me so you can spend all your time sleeping with every slutty debutante you are very mistaken. I'm not going anywhere. So you're just going to have to schedule time for me _and_ you_ lady friends_." She starred Chuck Bass down with her hands on her hips and her chest heaving from being out of breath after her storming in. Any lesser man would have been legitimately frightened. Chuck Bass just threw his head back and laughed. He pulled her in for a hug while still laughing, "Oh come here Princess. I promise I'm not going anywhere. You're right we haven't been spending enough time together, and I am going to fix that right now."

"Good" she huffed against his lilac colored dress shirt. "Because I brought Tiffany's and a box of macaroons" He could hear the smile in her voice even though her face was obscured by their embrace.

"Ha Ha...of course you did." They spent the rest of the afternoon together on the couch in Chuck's suite watching classic movies and snacking on cookies.

Over the next few months Blair and Chuck were inseparable. It was during these times that Chuck started to notice that there were many mornings that he would have to force Blair out of bed. He assumed she was still feeling blue over missing Nate, but there were times when she was so melancholy Chuck didn't know what to do to make her snap out of it. He also noticed that her anxiety was back. He knew she was under a lot of stress waiting to get her acceptance to Yale, so he tried to push his worries to the back of his mind. Regardless of her mood swings Chuck was loving spending all his time with Blair.

Since Blair and Nate had decided to "unofficially break-up" (whatever that meant, Chuck had no clue) while he was gone. Blair had asked Chuck to be her date to the Snow Flake Ball that December. And of course being the good date, and best friend, that he was he was spending his afternoon at Blair's while she tried on her many options of what to wear to the formal. She was having a blast twirling and prancing around modeling all her dresses for Chuck. "Chuck what do you think of this one?"

Chuck pulled his gaze up from his phone to see Blair Waldorf in the most atrocious pink puffy nightmare of a dress he had ever seen. He slid off the bed trying his hardest to hold his laughter in. Taking her hands in his he replied, "Waldorf, you look like a cupcake."

Blair giggled, "Yes Bass but is it a cupcake you'd want a taste of?" The devilish smirk on her face made Chuck's heard beat hard in his chest. Of course he wanted a taste of her. She's the only woman he's wanted to taste since their kiss those few Christmases ago.

"Blair" he warned in a teasing tone of voice, "don't go offering your cupcake to just anyone. You never know who's going to take a bite." With that he pulled her close and pretended to take bites out of her neck while making funny chomping noises in her ear. She squealed and giggled enjoying herself more than she had in a long time.

After tickling and teasing they both stopped to catch their breathes. In his arms staring into his eyes Blair noticed how lovely Chuck looked when he smiled his true smile that usually was only reserved for her. Unable to stop herself she reached her hand up to cup his face. She traced her thumb along his bottom lip. "Blair" he begged. She didn't know if he was begging her to stop or to continue, but she leaned her head in and placed her lips on his. Blair's stomach exploded with butterflies. Never with Nate had she experienced such overwhelming feeling from a single kiss. Chuck pulled back and looked her in her wide dark brown eyes. Almost as if he was trying to read her mind.

"Are you sure?" His voice came out as a raspy whisper. Without hesitation, Blair's only reply was to take his head in both her hands and give him the most passionate kiss she could conjure. Manically they began fighting to get each others clothes off while trying to keep themselves attached at the lips. Blair got Chuck's shirt off while he unbuttoned his pants and kicked off his shoes. In between kisses and unsuccessfully trying to get her dress off he murmured "where the hell did you find this God awful thing?"

Pushing him back towards the bed she breathlessly replied, "Jenny Humphrey gave it to me." He laughed and then let out a moan as she pushed him onto her bed unzipping and removing the dress to reveal a cream lace bra and matching panties. She helped him pull of his pants so all he was left in were his boxer briefs which showed his already large bulge. "Oh Jesus" he exhaled as Blair straddled his hips. He lifted himself up so they were face to face and removed her bra. Moving into a crushing kiss Blair's breasts were pressed against Chuck's hairy chest. She had never gone this far with Nate but she knew his chest was nothing like this. He was hairless and more muscular. However, something about the way Chuck's chest felt against her completely turned her on as she ground herself against him feeling his chest hair rub against her nipples. She looked down at him as he took her breasts in his hands and then began running his tongue around her hard nipples. She had never felt so amazing in her life. Her body was tingling all over.

Her breath was coming out in pants as he flipped them over so he was leaning over her body. He brought his hand down into her already soaked panties. Chuck began stroking her core and Blair writhed beneath him. She honestly didn't know how much more she could take. Then she felt her whole body spasm. Like waves starting in her belly and working their way throughout her limbs. She heard a loud groan and then realized it was coming from her. Her dark curls spread out on the pillow like the wanton woman she now was Blair looked up at Chuck's smirking face. "That was incredible." she sighed. With a smirk he answered "You have no idea what you're in for."

He positioned himself at her entrance. Starring into her eyes like he was reading her soul. "Blair you are so beautiful." He entered her and she cried out at the intrusion. He kissed all over her face trying to give her some comfort. "Are you okay?"

She gave her head a slight nod. Chuck gave her a few minutes to adjust to him and then kissed her lips as he started to slowly thrust himself into her over and over. It was so silent in the room the only thing they could hear were their own breaths and the sound of their bodies coming together. Chuck kissed all over Blair's face repeatedly telling her how beautiful she was and how amazing she felt. Though he had plenty of lovers before her he had never felt such a connection with someone. He bit his lip to keep his eyes from tearing up. Starring down at Blair's face as her brow contoured in pleasure and her eyes rolled back in her head he knew this was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

When they were done Blair laid naked and sweaty in Chuck's arms. He slowly and consistently ran his hand up and down her back, kissing her temple. She pulled herself up on her elbow giving Chuck a concerned look. His heart dropped. The feeling of guilt over what they had just done was overwhelming. Was this it...when she tells him that it was a mistake? That she had been wanting to share this experience with Nate and now she was regretting making love to Chuck.

"Chuck?"

"Yes?"

"I wanna do that again!" She said in a devilishly seductive voice. Wiggling her eyebrows as if to challenge him. With a happy grunt he rolled them over attacking her neck with kisses. She squealed in delight as they continued making love long into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry this took me a few days to publish. I moved from Manhattan to Brooklyn...bc just like Juliet I have to live in the hood to keep up with my Gossip Girl lifestyle. However, my apartment is in a 4th floor walkup so I'm hoping to have great legs by the time Summer comes! :) Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and alerted the story. I wasn't able to respond to everyone's reviews last chapter bc I was so busy, but the are all grealtly appreciated! I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters. **

Spring had sprung in the Upper East Side. Flowers in bloom, birds chirping, and a newly sexually awakened Blair Waldorf was straddling a very randy Chuck Bass in the back of his limo. They found themselves spending a lot of time driving around the city since the privacy of the limo allowed them to be as physical as they wanted to be with each other. His hands traveled from her stocking pausing for a moment on the soft skin of her thighs then sneaking underneath her blouse while Blair was doing deliciously naughty things with her tongue and his ear. For Chuck, sex had always been about physical pleasure, girls were nothing but a boost to the ego and a notch on the bed post, but with Blair he savored every moment of intimacy. He relished in the fact that he had taught Blair everything she now knew about sex, reveling in the fact that he had theoretically marked her as his for life.

The past few months since the Snowflake Ball had been amazing. Though keeping their relationship quite from the rest of the world they had been inseparable every since that night at Blair's penthouse. They talked about going off to school the following year, teased each other and making each other laugh, and fought..a lot. Mostly because they were the two most stubborn spoiled people in Manhattan and neither could stand not getting their way. Their fights usually ended with Blair kicking Chuck out of her apartment and Chuck returning later with a handful of peonies while they spent hours showing each other how sorry they really were.

Blair snapped Chuck out of his train of thought as she snaked her small hand down the front of his pants. A hiss escaped his lips as he lifted her slightly off him to grant her better access.

"Chuck, I've been thinking about this all day long." She groaned against his lips as she began working his painfully hard erection. With that Chuck flipped them over so he could lay her down on the seat of the limo. Leaning over her he kissed her deeply. His hand now settling to the warm wet spot between her thighs. He softly chuckled at this sex kitten he had created. He made her this wet, he made her beg, he was the one who she was thinking about all day. "Waldorf you're incredible." He whispered in her ear "I'm never letting you go" before plunging into her sending them both to heaven.

Chuck was riding up the elevator to the Waldorf penthouse, peonies in hand. He knew when he asked Blair to prom he wanted it to be special. He was very familiar with the wishbook she had created of her perfect prom, and he didn't want to let her down. The butterflies that had been in his stomach since his first time with Blair were fluttering out of control. He was trying so hard to be the perfect prince to Blair's UES princess, but in the back of his mind he felt that maybe he would never be good enough.

The elevator dinged, and Chuck found Blair in the kitchen cutting a piece of chocolate cake for herself. She looked up at him and smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Chuck thought he noticed a look of guilt in her eyes as he bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek and offer her her flowers.

"I brought these for you."

"Thanks, they are beautiful." She put the flowers in a vase turning her back to him.

Chuck responded by coming up behind her and taking her in his arms. He kissed her neck and whispered, "Not as beautiful as you."

Blair pulled out of his embrace, "Chuck, I...we..." she stammered for a moment before Chuck took over.

"Blair, I came here to ask you to go to prom with me. I know you don't want us to go public yet, but I think everyone at school already expects us to go together. And...I just...I want to go with you." He was Chuck Bass but at this moment he felt like he was some sniveling joke. When he looked into Blair's eyes and saw tears his stomach dropped and he thought he was going to be sick. Queasily he realized that this was not going to go how he envisioned.

Within a second he saw Blair's face go from guilt and tears to a mask of indifference. She was keeping herself busy rearranging the flowers she had just put into the vase. "Chuck, I really don't know how to tell you this, but I've already told Nate that I would go to prom with him."

Chuck felt his heart shatter in a million pieces. His throat tightened and he couldn't breath. "I-I don't understand."

"Nate called the other day, and told me he was coming back for the Summer before we all go off to school. He reminded me of how we always planned on going to prom together and we decided that we should go together."

Chuck backed away from her until his back hit the opposite counter top. His face crumbled ,but then he went into Chuck Bass protection mode. "Oh, well then I guess I do understand. Prince Charming is coming back so you're done slumming it with me?" By this time he had made it back to Blair standing almost on top of her starring down into her eyes. "Guess we don't want Nate to know what a whore you've become while he was gone."

"Chuck you know its not like that. Everything between us was real, but it couldn't last forever. Nate and I are meant to be together. You know this. I didn't mean to lead you on. I truly do have feelings for you, but there's nothing I can do about it. Nate's and my parents already have everything planned out. We're going to be together." Tears were rolling down her face though she wouldn't allow her face to break into a sob. She remained as blank as she could even though her heart was completely breaking. She knew that if she let her real emotions show Chuck would fight for her. She had lead him on. She knew that while she was falling for him, he too was developing genuine feelings for her. More than just the friendship they'd always had. She couldn't let him believe that they would ever have a chance to really be together. So while he would hate her now, she knew she was doing the right thing in the long run. He would continue sleeping around and move on from her. She however, didn't know if she would ever get over the way she felt when she was with Chuck.

Chuck inhaled deeply. "You know, Nate can have you. Honestly, you were just a play thing; something to pass the time. But I'm bored and the sex wasn't that good anyways." Blair stiffened as he bent down to whisper in her ear. "Have fun at prom, and don't worry. I won't tell Nate how you use to beg me to fuck you. How you could barely make it a day without me inside you. That his perfect Upper East Side Princess was fucked every way all over this city in the back of his best friends car." He gave her an evil glare then walked out.

Once she heard the elevator close she allowed herself to crumble. She grabbed the cake she had been cutting a piece of when Chuck had arrived. Bringing the whole cake with her she slid down to the floor sobbing as she began to devour the whole thing. She felt horrible. She had betrayed the two people who meant the most to her. Nate, by developing feelings for another man while planning a future with him. And Chuck, because she let him believe there was a chance they could have a future together, let him believe that she would be able to share with the world the feelings she was only able to keep in her heart. So she cried and thought about her betrayals of these two best friends, and ate. She spent the rest of the night in her bathroom purging all her sins.

The remainder of the school year passed. Chuck ignored Blair while sleeping his way through the Sophomore class, and Blair became even more of an evil dictator to her minions. She spent most of her free time either preparing for Yale or shopping with Serena. Since she no longer was hanging out with Chuck and Nate wouldn't be back until after the school year ended Serena had become her closest friend. It wasn't the same as when it was the three of them, Chuck, Blair and Nate, but Serena was a sunny fun girl who served to be a good distraction for Blair.

Graduation came and went. It was a time Blair should have been celebrating, but she found most mornings she couldn't force herself to get out of bed. The anxiety she had suppressed during her time with Chuck was stronger than ever, and she was spending more and more time in the bathroom trying to relieve the knots in her stomach by making herself sick.

Most of her anxiety was coming from the fact that the Summer was coming up and that meant spending it with Chuck and Nate. She hadn't been alone with the two of them since Nate left, and she had no idea how they were going to do it. She didn't think that Chuck would confess to Nate because he didn't want to ruin their friendship, but surely Nate would notice the uncomfortableness between her and Chuck and suspect something. She knew Chuck would do be doing his best to make her feel guilty in front of Nate.

Her one comfort was that Serena was going to be spending the Summer at her grandmother's Hamptons house so at least she would be able to spend time away from the guys and with her. The awkwardness of being around them was going to be hard, but Blair found just the idea of being around Chuck impossible. Before graduation, Blair would catch Chuck starring at her from across the courtyard. She couldn't place the look in his eyes, but it broke her heart to see. She wanted nothing more than to go to him. Cradle his face in her hands and kiss him. Comfort him. No matter what happened between the three of them, they were still her family and she would try to do anything to keep Chuck and Nate from hurting.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you again for all the review and alerts. It blows me away that people have this as their one of their favorites. Thank you so much! Hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters. **

"Waldorf."

"Bass."

The two greeted each other as coldly as they had since their Hamptons summer began. Nate rolled his eye aware and annoyed at his two best friend's behavior. When asked Chuck admitted that the tension was caused after Blair had intervened a hook up with a hot new intern at Bass Industries. Nate was hoping that after hooking up with a few townies he would get over it and the trio would go back to normal. He had hoped that after spending the past year at his grandfather's that everything would be the same as before. This was their last summer before leaving for school and Nate was planning on making the most of it with those two whether they liked it or not.

Blair had prayed that Chuck would forgive her for ending things with him. If only he understood that it was all out of her control. Her whole life her parents and the Archibalds had planned their engagement. All of New York society new of their future together. The merging of the two families would be huge for both Blair's involvement in New York society but also Nate's future political career. The future she wanted was planned out, and she couldn't let her lust for Chuck get in the way. She was too close to having everything she ever especially since she'd be starting at Yale in just a couple of months.

Though her relationship with Chuck was strained to say the least, ever since Nate had returned they were closer than ever. He was almost like a new person with her. He had always been sweet and caring with her, but had also always treated her more like a best friend than the girlfriend she was suppose to be. However, this Summer he was being much more affectionate towards her. This fact alone solidified the fact to Blair that she had made the right decision. Chuck was licking his wounds now, but he would be fine she told herself. Everything is working out the way its suppose to.

"So Blair, Chuck and I were thinking about walking down to the pier. You should walk down with us. We'll grab ice cream cones." Blair looked at Nate's handsome smile and blue eyes and wanted to say yes, but then she glanced over to Chuck's dark eyes and saw a hint of pain in his expression. She quickly tore her eyes away from his.

"Actually, I am suppose to meet up with Serena to go shopping. You guys have fun."

"Okay, but tonight no excuses we're all getting together for dinner. Bring Serena. Chuck needs a dinner date. He's been moping around all Summer like a heartbroken puppy." Nate joked as he leaned in to kiss her goodbye. Blair shot her eyes to Chuck praying he read the "I'm sorry" in her expression. With that she left the boys to walk down to the pier as she made her way to meet up with Serena trying not to think of the idea of having to spend a whole evening with Chuck.

Nate and Chuck stopped once they got to the end of the pier beer bottles in hand and lean over the railing looking out at the horizon.

"I slept with someone last year while I was gone." Nate confessed keeping his head straight eyes focused out on the water.

Chuck chocked on his beer, and turned his head looking at his best friend not saying a word.

Nate continued, "She was a girl in my class. Tall, blond, we had a lot in common so we started hanging out after school and I guess one thing lead to another." He ran his hands through his sandy blond hair that he had let get shaggy for the Summer. "It was nice, you know? I mean not the sex...I mean YES the sex was awesome, but I meant hanging with her was nice. It was easy. There wasn't this whole family history thing that Blair and I have. All the pressure of having to be together. We just had a good time goofing off and hanging out and..."

"And fucking."

"Yes Chuck and fucking. I broke things off with her before prom. Knowing that I was coming back just made me feel guilty about the whole thing; even though Blair and I weren't officially together while I was gone. I just...I just feel like shit about hurting Blair." Nate took a long swig of his bottle and turned to Chuck to hear his response.

The breeze coming from the water blew Chuck's bangs across his forehead. He squinted his eyes while looking to Nate. "So you still want to be with Blair though? It seems like you were so happy with this other chick because she was everything Blair is not. I just don't understand why you come back and get right back together with Blair. Maybe you should play the field for awhile. Allow Blair to date around some. You guys are young, and you're getting ready to go off to school. Different schools might I add. Do you know how much untapped ass is out there waiting for you Archibald? They're gonna be lining up to have just one night with you."

"Haha, that's my boy!" Nate patted Chuck on the back. "Always looking out for me and my sexual conquests. I don't really have a choice though. Grandfather told me before I left to come out here that he wants me and Blair to make a "pre-engagement announcement" before we head off to school."

"What like a promise ring, Archibald? How chivalrous." Chuck scoffed in disgust.

"Yeah something like that I guess. He wants us to announce to society that we are planning on marring after graduation. That we are spending the next four years focusing on our educations and then after that we can focus on the wedding." Nate turned his back leaning on the rail facing away from the ocean now. "Its already decided my friend. So do me a favor and sleep with as many women as you can for me." He smiled at Chuck and then began walking back down towards the pier. "Come on, we need to get ready to meet the girls for dinner."

Chuck waited a moment before joining Nate. He felt paralyzed by the conversation he had just had. He knew in his heart that Nate and Blair should not be together. He knew no one could ever love Blair Waldorf the way he did, and he also wanted Nate to be with someone who he felt about the way Chuck did for Blair. He felt bad for his two friends who were forced into this life by their families who only saw how this arrangement would benefit them. He felt bad for himself because he was being forced to be an onlooker to the life he wish to God he could have.

Dinner that night had gone better than anticipated by all. Chuck and Blair remain more subdue allowing the two bubblier dinner companions to take over most of the conversation. After dinner Serena suggested a walk on the beach in the moonlight. Serena and Nate were playing at the water's edge splashing and laughing while Chuck and Blair stayed back walking further up the shoreline with their shoes in their hands. Neither said anything both just enjoying being next to each other. Alone for the first time since their fight in Blair's kitchen. Blair stopped to look up at the moon over the water the wind blowing her hair away from her face. Chuck watched Blair in the moonlight noting that she had never looked more beautiful and the he felt a pain so sharp in his foot he fell to the sand with a yelp.

"Oh my God, Chuck are you okay?" Blair dropped down to his level trying to figure out what was causing his pain.

Breathlessly Chuck responded, "I don't know! Oh God it hurts!" He was grabbing his foot in agony. It was then that Blair noticed an annoyed looking crab scuffling away from Chuck. Blair couldn't help herself as she started laughing uncontrollably at Chuck.

In between laughs she was able to get out "Oh Chuck, Oh God; it was just a crab that pinched you." She was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was having trouble breathing. "Hahahaha the way you fell to the ground Oh God. You should have seen yourself!"

"Oh yeah Waldorf?" With that he pounced on Blair tickling her under her ribcage. "You think that's funny do you?"

"Oh no Chuck, please stop" She squirmed laughing in hysterics as he continued to tickle her. "I can't breath, I can't breath." They were having so much fun rolling around in the sand, Blair pinned underneath Chuck that they didn't notice Serena and Nate walking up towards them.

"Well it looks as if someone kissed and made up." Nate commented on the two laying in the sand.

Both of them shot their gaze up to Nate who was smiling down on them. Chuck then realized he was still laying on top of Blair so he quickly jumped up brushing the sand off himself trying to distance himself from her. Nate picked Blair up off the sand.

"Yeah, well Chuck got pinched by a crab, and it was funny then one thing lead to another." Blair stated defensively not wanting Nate to suspect anything.

"Well thank you Chuck for providing entertainment to my beautiful girlfriend who wouldn't come down to the water with me." Nate said as he wrapped his arm around Blair bringing her in for a quick peck. Blair's eyes dropped down to her feet. She couldn't look at Chuck at that moment. She felt so uncomfortable being intimate with Nate in front of him.

"Yeah B. Come down to the water with us. I promise its not cold, and you only have to stick your feet in. It'll feel good." Serena tried to convince Blair to play in the water's edge with them.

"Actually, I'm feeling pretty tired. I think I'm going to head home for the night. You guys have a good time."

At the same time all three of her friends said, "I'll walk back with you." Nate shot Chuck a curious glance while Serena repeated, "I'll walk back with you B." Linking her arm in Blair's they headed for home leaving the two boys standing in the sand.

"So how long have you and Chuck been hooking up?" Serena asked as casually as she could.

Blair stumbled slightly shocked at the questions. "I have no idea what you're talking about Serena. Chuck and I are not hooking up. I am dating Nate." She tried to sound offended at the suggestion.

"Oh B. It's so obvious that you two have feelings for each other. The way he was starring at you throughout dinner. Like you were the dish he wanted to devour. He is crazy about you. Its written all over his face. Is that why you guys are fighting? Did something happen before Nate returned?" Serena stopped walking to look Blair in the face trying to get her friend to open up to her. She could tell this Summer had been stressful for Blair and she was concerned.

Blair exhaled, "Okay so we hooked up while Nate was gone. But now Nate's back and NO ONE can know about it. You cannot say anything to anyone."

"But if you have feelings for him you need to talk to Nate. If you guys truly have a connection and want to be together maybe Nate would understand. He loves you both so much. We were talking about your friendship tonight on the beach. He feels very blessed to have the two of you in his life."

"Well he wouldn't feel so blessed if he knew I've been sleeping with his best friend for the past six months so lets just drop it okay. Nate can never know." Blair started walking again at a quicker pace eager to get home.

"Wait, what?" You've been having an affair with Chuck for the last six months?" Serena stood dumbfounded then took off to catch up with her friend.

"Duh Serena didn't I just say that we hooked up."

"Hooking up is one things but a six month love affair. Oh my gosh B, you guys are in love." Serena linked her arm thru Blair's again.

"Ugh Serena, don't romanticize this. It was a mistake. I mixed up feelings of friendship with something more. Anyways, even if I wanted to be with Chuck I couldn't be so there's no point in even talking about it." Serena heard the heartbreak in the last part of Blair's statement. So she let it drop for now. Her heart hurt for her friend that was so obviously in love with another man, but she didn't know how to make B see that she was wrong for thinking there was nothing she could do about it. The two girls spent the rest of their walk in silence. Serena didn't comment on the sniffles she heard coming from her petite friend. She only wrapped her arm around her shoulders offering silent comfort.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you again for everyone who is reading and reviewing this story. I really hope you're enjoying it. Please continue reading and offering your feedback. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters. **

The three of them sat on the beach the night before Nate left to go back to the city to finish getting ready for school. Dartmouth started two weeks before Yale and Columbia, where Chuck was going, so Nate was headed back while the other two were going to stay at the beach for the White Party which was always the last hooray of the Summer. None of them were talking at the moment; preferring to listen to the sound of the waves while silently reminiscing on all the times they had spent together.

"I can't believe this is happening. I feel like we've been planning this next phase of our lives forever." Nate sighed.

"You mean our parents have been planning this phase of our lives. You're both going to your parents alma maters; I'm going to Columbia because Bart thought it would best if I stayed in the city to learn as much as I could about Bass Inc. We're like puppets and our parents are holding the strings. Have we ever done something just because we wanted to do it." Chuck didn't mention what else Nate and Blair's parents had mapped out for them.

With that Blair stood up with silently and began walking towards the water's edge. Without breaking stride she pulled the dress she had been wearing over her head leaving her walking towards the ocean in only a black lace bra and matching panties.

"B, what are you doing?" Nate yelled out in disbelief. He had never witnessed Blair doing anything so spontaneous or impulsive.

Blair swung her head back towards them. Her dark curls whipping behind her while the moon glowed off her skin. With a smirk she replied, "Doing something _I _want to do" and continued walking towards the water. The two boys looked at each other then jumped to their feet running after her while stripping off their clothes as well. The trio jumped into the water in nothing but their underwear.

They didn't know how long they stayed in the water that night playing, swimming, laughing. They didn't think about school, or their parents expectations and plans for them. They didn't think about broken hearts or unrequited love; lovers who were so close but impossibly out of reach. They were simply three teenagers behaving carefree in a way that teenagers raised in their lives were seldom allowed to do.

A week later Chuck was making his way thru the guests at the White Party looking for the bar. Nate had been gone for almost a week, and Chuck had been avoiding Blair since their night swim in the ocean. He knew he couldn't lose her friendship, she was the one constant in his life. However, he had been drinking all day, and the more he thought about how she had chosen her fairytale with Nate over passion with him the angrier he got. He grabbed a scotch from the bartender and stood in the corner of a patio the homeowner had set up over looking the pool.

"Well it looks like Serena and Dan are back on. They showed up here together. I thought she had finally sent him back to Brooklyn for good." Blair had snuck up from behind. He was so busy looking for her he hadn't noticed her walking up his way. "Seriously, doesn't she get it. They're from two different worlds. She needs to stop it with these romantic ideals she has and face reality. No matter how much she thinks she loves him it is never going to work." She rolled her eyes while finishing off her champagne.

Chuck polished off his scotch, turned around snarling at her his tone of voice laced with such contentment, "Well you are the master of denying romance for reality aren't you Blair." He really didn't know why his feelings were coming through now and in this way. Maybe he was drunker than he thought he was. All he knew was that he wanted her to hurt, like she had hurt him.

"I don't know what you're talking about Chuck. You're drunk." she clipped. Of she knew what he was talking about, she told herself, she just had no desire to get into that at the party with him after he had obviously been drinking. She went into stereotypical Blair protection mode...deny, deny, deny.

Chuck grabbed Blair around her waist and pulled her flush against him. She could feel the heat rising from her belly to her chest. His face so close to hers just a tiny move forward ever so slightly from either of them and her lips would have found their way back to their perfect mate. His large hand on the small of her back silently commanding her against him. "I may be drunk, but I still know exactly what to say to make you flush with desire." His eyes moved down to her chest that was indeed flushed.

"Its hot out here" she denied.

He moved his fiery eyes back to hers looking so deep she swore he was reading her every thought. He moved his hand from her back to lightly stoke her collar bone with his finger. Then he began whispering in her ear sending shivers throughout her body. "Admit it, Princess. I know Nate doesn't get your body churning like I do. He doesn't know what your body craves and pleads for. He can't make your body quiver and shake just from his touch. Do you beg him to fuck you harder like you did that day I had you bent over the couch in my suite?" She wanted him so badly. She wanted to drag him to the closest available room and have him take her up against the wall hard and fast, releasing all the pent up desire she tried to bury deep within her. She wanted all those things, but looking up at him with tears in her eyes she couldn't make her deepest fantasies come true. She'd already done too much damage to the two boys she loved.

"Please, Chuck. Please just stop." A single tear ran down her cheek as she took a half step back. Still close enough to be in his arms, but far back enough for her find the strength to deny him. He too had tears in his eyes as his chin quivered just the tiniest bit. They starred at each other silently brown eyes on brown. Then like a wind of change blew across his face he became a different character. The wall was back up. He gave her one more cold look up and down her body then walked past her brushing his shoulder against her making her sway slightly to the side.

The next morning as she was getting ready to walk to the beach she received a bouquet of peonies and a letter.

_I'm sorry for my behavior last night. _

_I've gone back to the city for the remainder of the Summer. _

_I think its best if you accept this letter as my goodbye._

_You're going to be amazing Waldorf. _

_Yale has never had a more deserving Queen._

_Your humblest servant_

_CB_

Tears flowed down her face. She absentmindedly ran her fingers along the ring she wore that Chuck gave her. She never took it off, none of them did. She thought back to that Christmas when he had given them all the matching rings. She almost didn't recognize those three people anymore. Life was changing them before her eyes. She grasped at the ring on her finger and wished she could go back. Before feelings and responsibilities had made everything so hard. Now they were all headed off in different directions. Meeting new people, and having new experiences on their own. Yet they were all tied together. No matter what life brought them they would always be bound to each other.

End of Part I

**A/N: So I've decided to make this a three parter. The first part representing their youth and innocence, and the second part is going to pick up a couple of years down the road. I have all of Part II outlined and I am really excited about it. Its pretty much going to build up to the opening scene of the story so pretty much just lots and lots of Chuck and Blair. Which is just as much fun to write as it is to read! :) **


	6. Chapter 6

Part II

Chuck sat at his desk at Bass Inc. looking at the silver picture frame containing the picture of himself, Blair and Nate from a Summer in the Hamptons they shared when they were fourteen. Blair was in the middle and both boys had their arms around her, genuine smiles on all their faces. The picture always put a smile on his face. They had been so close that Summer.

At twenty-five, Chuck had just been named VP of Bass Inc. His father's right hand man. After graduating from Columbia, he shadowed his father learning as much as he could about the industry. Though never close with his father growing up the two had found themselves growing closer through their time spent together at the company, and as a sign of his father's faith and approval of his performance he created the VP position for him. Chuck was anxiously waiting for Blair who had text him to say she was taking him to a celebratory lunch. He had not seen her in quite a while since she was living with Nate in DC who had been working in a Senator's office. While waiting for her he couldn't help but think of that weekend they spent together their junior year in college. The weekend that changed their relationship forever. Since then she continued coming in and out of his life. She had a tendency to be a tornado in his life. Blowing through creating chaos then leaving him to pick up the pieces.

He remembered how she had shown up at the door of his suite unexpectedly that day. A huge smile on his face as he opened the door for her. He hadn't seen her in quite some time and yet she still had the ability to make his heart stop and the butterflies start their dance in his belly. "Blair Waldorf, to what do I owe this most surprising visit? Will Yale be able to be without their Queen for a weekend?" He teased her.

She walked in like she owned the place dropping her coat and bag on a chair by the bar. She turned around to face him her dark curls flowing behind her as she did so. Chuck took a quick moment to appreciate the woman his friend had become in the past couple of years since leaving the city for school. To that she cocked her eyebrow and smirked. "What? I can't come visit my oldest and dearest friend while I'm home?"

"And here I thought you had forgotten all about me while you were off conquering the world."

Blair began slowly walking towards him, "Chuck, I could never forget about you, or about how good we were together." With that she grabbed Chuck by the back to the head and kissed him with everything she had. For a moment he didn't know if this was really happened or if he was in the middle of a very realistic fantasy. He enjoyed the feel of her lips on his and the way her hands felt on his back holding her body close to his.

He took her arms in his hands and pulled her off him, "Blair, what are you doing?"

"I thought that was obvious Bass." She reached her head towards him for another kiss, but Chuck pulled away from her advances.

"Blair, please." He didn't mean for the tone of his voice to come across as angry as it had and when her face flinched like he had wounded her it made his heart clinch.

Becoming defensive after his rejection Blair snapped, "What Chuck? Are you suddenly not the biggest man whore on this island, or is it me? Do you find me so repulsive that I'm the only person you won't sleep with?" She had been so lonely at Yale. Nate was so far away and she had no real friends. She missed the way Chuck made her feel. He was the only person she could truly be herself with, and he always made her feel so beautiful. Her world had begun falling apart and all she wanted was to be in his arms and for him to comfort her like he use to.

"You know that's not it Blair." He hissed.

She got in his face, finger poking him in the chest. "You use to want me. You use to pounce on me every chance you could get. You use to fu-

"YEAH AND LOOK WHAT THAT GOT ME BLAIR." He yelled in frustration. A dam of emotions was erupting in him. Emotions that he thought he had put behind him. "I love you and you broke my heart; so I'm sorry if I'm not eager to become your secret shame once again." His chest was heaving as he tried to catch his breath. He couldn't believe what he had just admitted to her. He had never spoken those words aloud. He suddenly felt queasy...oh God he was going to be sick. He turned away from her too ashamed to look at her.

She took his face in her hands forcing him to face her. "You love me?" Her voice was tiny and meek.

"That's not what I said. You're mistaken Waldorf." He prayed she would forget it, just drop it completely. This is the last conversation he ever wanted to have. Revealing to her his feelings and how she had hurt him gave her the upper hand and made him look weak. Chuck convinced himself she was going to laugh in his face, or worse go back to Nate and tell him how his supposed best friend had been in love with her all these years. What the hell had he been thinking telling her he loved her. He was a fool.

She now held his face in both her hands studying every inch of his face. "Oh Chuck" she whispered. Her eyes were connected to his, and she knew she could stare into his deep pools for all eternity. "Please don't take it back. Please don't take that away from me. I can't survive without you Chuck. I'm not Blair Waldorf without you. I need you Chuck." She whispered and ever so lightly placed her lips on his. "I need you." She kissed the side of his mouth. "I need you." She kissed his closed eyelid. "I need you." She moved her gentle kisses to his other eyelid. With this Chuck took her face in his hands and gave her a kiss so passionate it was if he was breathing life into her again. Her whole body swelled and she opened her lips granting his tongue access. "Chuck..." With her breathless plea he picked her up and carried the girl he'd loved his whole life to bed to show her exactly what that love felt like.

He slowly removed all of her clothing and sat back to study all the ways her body had developed since last time he had seen her like this. Blair reached her arm out to him, "Come to me." He slid off all his clothes and then crawled up her body to give her a deep kiss. She moaned and deepened the kiss teasing his tongue with hers. He traced her body with his hand landing on her perfect breast as he began rolling her nipple with his fingers while circling the other with his tongue. She arched her back in approval and he began traveling down her body leaving a trail of kisses until he finally made it to his destination.

She jumped when his tongue finally connected with her core. She began to feel a warm sensation coming from where his mouth was devouring her folds spreading throughout her whole body. Chuck ran his left hand up her belly to her breast while continuing working her with his mouth. When he added his fingers she lost all control as her body began shaking out of control. Once her body stopped quivering Chuck kissed her thigh and made his way back to her full lips. She met his kiss with fervour. He entered her swiftly and they both cried out. He slowly but deeply pushed into her over and over. Blair's legs wrapped tightly around his back. They were both filling the air with "Oh yeses" and thanks to God and whatever babble managed come to them in the moment.

When Blair began begging him to go harder he grab her leg behind her knee lifting it up near her shoulder and began pounding into her. Blair couldn't believe the noises of absolute pleasure that were coming out of her mouth. It had been so long since she had been taken like this and she wouldn't last much longer. When his fingers found her clit her body exploded and she threw her head back crying out in ecstasy. Chuck pounded into her three more times before coming with a grunt. They fell asleep tangled up in a pretzel of sweaty bodies.

When Chuck woke up a few hours later Blair was wide away and starring at him with a look that made his heart drop. Concerned he sat up letting the sheet drop to his waist. "What's wrong?"

She sat up as well, the sheet pooling around her hips, her dark hair contrasting against her bare alabaster skin. Chuck ran his finger across her naked collar bone down to lightly caress her exposed breast. "Chuck, I need to tell you something. I need to tell you about whats been going on with me." She took a long deep breath. "I'm not going back to Yale."

"What, why? Blair you've wanted Yale your whole life." He ran his hands through her hair not wanting to take his hands off of her for fear she would break.

"I was having a lot of trouble dealing with all the pressures of being there. I didn't have any real friends to talk to, and I guess I just wasn't dealing with life very well. It became impossible for me to get out of bed most days. I started missing all my classes because I couldn't get out of bed to go to them. And one day after feeling like this for a couple of months I accidentally took too many sleeping pills. My roommate found me, and took me to the hospital. So I was forced to tell my parents that I hadn't been to a class in two months and was failing all my classes." They were both crying at her revelation.

All the blood rushed from Chuck's body. Blair Waldorf had never done anything accidentally in her whole life. How could this have happened to her. How could it have gotten this bad without him, or anyone knowing. How had she gotten to the point where she would try to kill herself? Chuck couldn't even think about it without going mad. "God Blair. Why wouldn't you have called me? I would have been there for you, gotten you help. What about Nate? What does he say about all this? How could you ever think that was a solution!" He wiped away the tears from her cheeks while tears stained his own.

"I couldn't tell Nate how I was feeling. He doesn't understand when I have my spells. He doesn't understand why I can't just snap out of it. I try so hard to be perfect for him. Never give him a moment to doubt me, but I can't be perfect Chuck. I can't be this person everyone wants me to be." She was sobbing so hard her body was shaking.

Chuck pulled her into his arms so he could rock her while trying to calm her down. "Ssshhhh, please don't cry. You know you don't have to be anything other than the amazing person you are. I love you so much Blair for who you are in your heart. Not for the society princess facade." He was crying again now too. "God Blair what would I do if you weren't here? Please please please don't ever try hurting yourself again. Please promise me you'll never do that to me."

They stayed like that holding each other crying for a while until they both calmed down. "My parents are taking me to Europe to get away from everything. They have a specialist there for me to see."

He pulled her head away from his bare chest to look her in her red puffy eyes, "When do you leave?"

"Monday." she sniffled.

With a smirk he replied, "Well then, we're just going to have to make the best of the rest of this weekend aren't we?"

Blair giggled, "Then may I suggest not wasting any more time."

Chuck place the picture frame back on his desk. He remembered how they spent the rest of the weekend in bed. Not leaving unless to open the door for room service or to shower, which always lead to soapy slippery shower sex. That was the weekend he discovered Blair's "spells" as she called them were a serious issue. He hated that the pressures put upon her by everyone in her life made her so fragile. He wished he could take her away from it all and protect her, but he wasn't her shining knight. Lord knows how many times he been made aware of that.

The sound of his secretary buzzing in on his phone pulled him out of his thoughts. "Sir, Ms. Waldorf is here for you."

"Send her in please."

The door to his office opened to reveal a lovely looking Blair in a pink day dress looking every bit the DC housewife she was about to become. "Well hello Mr. Vice President." She teased. She walked into his office carrying a large gift basket. He walk to her to great her with a kiss on her cheek."Oh Chuck, I am so proud of you. You really have made so much of yourself." She looked up at him with a genuine smile of pride and love.

His heart fluttered at being close to her once again. "What do you have here Waldorf?" He asked pointing to the gift basket in her hand.

"These are just a few things I think the new VP of Bass Inc may need."

"Well lets see what we've got here. A bottle of my favorite scotch, some _very_ expensive cigars, very nice Waldorf, cufflinks, haha and three new purple bow-ties. Well I'm sure Bart is going to _love_ these." He laughed. "Thank you so much Blair. I am truly ready to take over the world now."

"Perfect! Now lets go. I promised a celebratory lunch and I am starving." She grabbed him by the arm and lead him out the office. Chuck took a deep breath; wondering how long Blair Waldorf was back in his life, and what would be left of him after she was gone this time.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who is reading and reviewing the story. This is a shorter chapter, but I think you're going to enjoy it. :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl of its characters. **

Chuck sat on the couch in his apartment nursing his glass of scotch listening to the ice cubes clinking against each other. His thoughts were entirely focused on the lunch he had had with Blair earlier in the day. He still didn't know where the desire to give her an ultimatum came from, but he had laid it out on the table...him or me. Maybe it was spurned from the giant 4 carat diamond that was taunting him throughout their meal. Perhaps it was after years of spending stolen moments in each others arms, Chuck was tired of being the other man; her second choice. No matter the reason here he was, praying that Blair would come to him.

Their lunch had begun as any would between two friends who had known each other for as long as they had. Catching up, filling each other in on what had been going on in each of their respective lives. Blair told Chuck about how she would be spending the next three months leading up to the wedding in New York finalizing wedding plans and helping Eleanor with her upcoming Spring show. She was happy to be back in the city. Between Yale and now DC it had been a years since she had spent so much time in the city.

Chuck too talked about what had been going on in his life. He told her about projects he was working on with his father, things that he had spear-headed himself. All about his new position, and the responsibilities that came along with it. When asked he truthfully told her he wasn't seeing anyone special. His new title at Bass Inc. didn't really allow for much of a social life. Their food had come and gone while Chuck excitedly told Blair about his roll at his father's company.

Blair raised her glass of Dom to Chuck, "You have done so well for yourself, and have accomplished so much. I know Bart is so proud of you and all your hard work." Blair caressed his forearm with her hand. "Chuck, I am so proud of you. Look what all that partying playboy has become." Her face beamed at him. She was truly proud and happy for her friend. There were times when she thought that he would never take his destiny at Bass Inc. with his father seriously, but in only a few years since their more wild days in high school Chuck had really settled in to becoming a good man.

He moved his arm to take her small hand into both of his larger ones. Looking at the three hands intertwined he softly said, "Surely you know that I've done this all for you. Blair, everything thing I have accomplished, all the hard work. I wanted to build a life for us. To prove to you that I can be the white knight. I can be the man you want to marry." He moved his eyes up to hers trying to read what emotion was playing in them.

"Chuck" she whispered. "I-I don't know what to say." She pulled her hand out of his and sat back in her chair. "I'm marrying Nate in three months."

"Blair you can't marry Nate. You know that the two of you don't share what you and I have. You will never be as happy with him as you will with me. We are it Blair. We are the real deal. I've been a fool for the past ten years to not fight for you. This whole time I thought that if I just waited, that if I continued to be your rock you would come to your senses. You would realize that no matter what your family had planned for you finally you would follow your heart." He watched her trying to gauge where her thoughts were, but she offered him no relief. She sat stone still, motionless taking in everything he had just told her.

Then she snapped out of her trance and angrily she answered him, "So what? I am just suppose to call up Nate and tell him "Sorry Nate. I know we've been together our whole lives and our parents have planned out every detail of our courtship, and I know we're getting married in three months and have everything planned out but your best-man thinks I'm better off with him so I'm not going to be able to go through with the whole fulfilling the life we had planned together thing." You are a selfish bastard."

"I'm selfish, Blair? I'm the selfish one? Well I'm not the one who has been promised to another man as long as I can remember while sleeping with his best friend every chance I had. I'm not the one who comes crawling to me every time I needed a boost in my self esteem. You use me Blair, you use my love for you. You have your perfect dream world, and when it doesn't work out how you want you coming crawling to me to make it better. Well I can't do it anymore. Maybe I should just tell Nate. Let's see how he feels about the fact that every chance you get you coming running to me begging me to fuck you the way you know only I can." He was talking softly, but there was no hiding his steaming anger towards her. His face was in hers, and other patrons in the restaurant were starting to take notice at the couple's heated discussion.

"You wouldn't dare." She leaned into him.

"Wouldn't I?" He smirked, and Blair was scared. Not that he would tell Nate, but of the darkness that was behind his smirk. "It's time you chose Blair. Nate or me. I love you. I always have and I always will, but I need to be the one. The only one. I want to be the man on your arm not just in your bed. I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with you. I want to be the father of your children. I want you to admit that I am the true love of your life." His demeanor had soften, but it was no less serious.

Tears stung her eyes, "Chuck, you have no clue what you're asking or me."

"My sweetheart. I've given you my heart over and over and let you crush it willingly. I can't let you destroy me again. You have to make your choice." He stood up from the table leaning into her ear to whisper, "I do know what I am asking of you Blair, and I think I am worth it." With that he left her to make her decision.

And so here he was. Sitting alone on his couch, scotch in hand, praying that Blair would listen to her heart and choose him. He thought about Nate as well. How would he take it if Blair did indeed choose Chuck. No matter what, one of them was going to have their heart broken. When had things gotten so fucked up? When did they go from being three best friends who were practically family to three lovers who would ultimately break each other. He wished he would have never kissed her. Never let himself realize the deep connection their two souls had. She could have had her happy life with Nate, and he would have been none the wiser. However, life is a cruel bitch, and now here he was. It was his heart or Nate's, and Blair held the knife in her hand.

He didn't know what he would do if she chose Nate. Maybe he would be relieved, and would finally be able to move on live his life for himself. How could he live in a world without Blair Waldorf in it? Their connection was unhealthy to say the least, but he didn't know a life where she wasn't tugging at his heart. Where he wasn't at her beckon call. He slammed the rest of his scotch back and let out a frustrated cry. For a brief second he hated Blair Waldorf. Hated her for breaking his heart, hated her for breaking his best friend's heart. He hated how she was able to crush him one moment then have him worshiping her the next. He poured another drink and downed it in one gulp. He was walking to the bedroom to try to force himself to sleep so he wouldn't have to think about her anymore when he heard the knock on the door. He froze and prayed to God for it to be her. If it wasn't then he knew God was curler than he already believed. As he walked towards the door his heart was pounding so loudly in his ears he couldn't hear anything else. With each step he begged for it to be her face he saw when he opened the door.

Once he got there he placed his hand on the door handle and took a deep long breath. Exhaling he slowly opened the door. There stood Blair Waldorf. All 5'3" of her. She was wearing the same dress she had been wearing at lunch, but her hair was a mess as if she had been working her fingers thru it and her make up was all worn off. Neither of them said anything, simply looking at each other in silence. After an eternity or maybe just a moment, Chuck, without saying a word, bent down taking each of her legs in his hands picked her up and wrapped them around his waist. He carried her straight to the bed and without either of them saying a word made love until the sun came up.

**A/N: So I do realize that Chuck and I guess Blair and Nate too are super out of character from the show. BUT...its my story and I want my Chuck to actually be able to express his feelings to Blair! LOL so I guess my Chuck is way more in touch with his emotions than TV Chuck, but TV Chuck is KILLING me! haha BTW...the new promo is so amazing! I'm hoping its the Dark Knight she chooses! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you all for your continued interest in the story. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to everyone's reviews, but I will try to get to them sometime this week. This chapter has a lot of mature moments in it, however I feel like it is condusive to the story line and not just sex for sex's sake. Hopefully I have accomplished that. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters.**

Chuck stood at the edge of the bed watching her sleeping form face down on the mattress. The covers had slipped away and the whole of her bare back was exposed to him. He slid his robe off and crawled into the bed, planting opened mouthed kisses all the way up her spine. He knew she was awake once he heard her purring into the pillow. His body was covering hers as he took her hands in his bringing hers above her head. She followed his lead and grabbed onto the headboard above her while his hands continued their journey back down her body. Her breasts were pressed against the mattress but he still managed to squeeze his hand in between to grab a handful. He sat back on his feet and slid a pillow underneath her, slightly lifting her towards him. Chuck took a moment to appreciate her lush bottom, and when simply looking at it wouldn't suffice he palmed it squeezing and massaging her cheeks until she was whimpering.

"Chuck." Her raspy voice oozed with sex and sleep, and he didn't delay in giving her what she wanted. He bent back down to her this time tracing his tongue from the base of her spine all the way to her ear where he softly reminded her of his love for her. With his large hands engulfing her smaller ones he entered her in one smooth stroke, and they both sighed in relief. He continue to enter her in slow deep thrusts. Their bodies were molded into one, the only movement coming from Chuck's hips as he entered her from behind and pushed her body up the bed. The feel of his hairy chest against her back and shoulders along with how large he felt when entering her this way was sending Blair over the edge quickly. Once Chuck snaked his hand around her front and began circling her nub right above where their bodies were connected she lost control. She swore she saw fireworks as she pressed her face into the pillow coming with a loud cry. Her body was shaking as her orgasm tore thru her body and Chuck grabbed on tightly to her hands still clutching to the headboard as he came with one last hard thrust deep into her.

He collapsed onto her resting his face in the nook of her neck while he tried to find breath. Her body was still jerking with aftershocks from one of the most intense orgasms of her life. Her hair was stuck to her neck from sweat and she was trying in vain to catch her breath. With a throaty laugh she moved to her side so she was able to see Chuck's face. "That was the best wake up call I've ever had." She took his cheek in her hand and traced his lips with her thumb. "You were amazing."

"You make me amazing, Blair." He replied taking her thumb into his mouth in between this teeth. He then pulled her to him to cradle her in his arms as he kissed her deeply and slowly. Taking his time to show her what his love for her felt like. Chuck had spent the last month since Blair had come to his apartment that day adoring every inch of her. It had been the most amazing time in both of their lives. They had spent most of month in bed exploring and learning all about each others bodies. They would spend every night wearing each other out only to find enough energy for one last round.

They had fought once though. Calling it a fight really wouldn't do it justice though; WWIII may be more like it. When Blair confessed to Chuck that she intended to wait to call off her engagement with Nate until he was back in the city so she could do in person and they could tell their families together Chuck lost it. He accused Blair of lying, that she never had any intentions of leaving Nate, and that he was a fool for ever letting her into his life. Blair threw back her own insults about Chuck not trusting her, and being too quick to believe the worst in her. Objects were thrown and glass was broken all over the apartment. When they were all out of insults and things to throw they stood in front of each other completely out of breath. After starring at each other for what felt like and eternity Blair pulled Chuck by the collar on his shirt and roughly kissed his lips as if her life depended on it.

"Fuck me, Chuck." Blair demanded as she caught his bottom lip between her teeth. "I need you to show me why we belong together."

Without warning he turned her around and bent her over the arm of the couch. "Is this what you want Blair? Is this how you want me?"

"Oh God yes!" She moaned like no proper Upper East Side woman should; her eyes rolling in the back of her head. Chuck lifted her flouncy black skirt up and forcefully rolled her lace La Perlas down her thighs not even bothering to completely remove them. With his painfully hard cock at her wet entrance he twisted her long dark hair in his fist without pulling on it.

"Do you let Nate fuck you like this?" He growled.

"Never!"

"Is this how you like it? Me pounding into you from behind?" He now had both hands on her hips as he entered her hard and fast. His eyes glued to the spot where he was entering her over and over.

"Yes! Only with you, please don't stop. You're the only one who can make me feel like this Chuck." She was pushing her ass back into him meeting his every thrust. Blair had never been more turned on. It was animal, and hard, and hot. She loved the feeling of Chuck owning her when he took her this way. She loved the feeling of Chuck being in charge; she liked being his naughty sex kitten. Nate had always treated her like the lady he thought she was. Their love making was sweet and tender. Chuck however knew the inner workings of Blair Waldorf. He knew when she wanted to be made love to slowly all night long. He new when she was feeling naughty and wanted to roll play. He also knew when she was desperate for him and needed to feel him in control as if she was his completely. It was almost like he knew her better than she knew herself.

Blair continued to beg for it until their orgasms ripped thru both their bodies. Tangled together on the couch they had just defiled Blair took Chuck's face into her hands. "Look at me Chuck. You have to trust me. I want to be with you. I'm here with you. However, you have to understand that the situation between Nate and myself is going to be difficult, and that's before throwing both of our families into the mix. You have to trust me to do the right thing."

Chuck took her hand and laced his fingers thru hers playing with her eternity ring. "For keeps?"

"For keeps." They fell asleep together on the couch not worrying about the utter ruin his apartment was in.

Chuck had kept his promise to trust her and did not bring up her breaking off her engagement with Nate again. Even though that is pretty much all he was thinking about. Until she broke off her engagement he would never truly feel like she was his.

Blair was leaving her mother's penthouse and headed to Chuck's dad's place where he was staying while having his apartment repaired for damages. A smile played on Blair's lips as she thought about just what those damages were from and how that fight had ended. She had a bounce in her step and she was giddy to see Chuck. He had been out of town the previous two days and already her body was going through withdraw. Bart was still away on business so they had his penthouse all to their selves and she had every intention of taking advantage of it.

The second she stepped off the elevator Chuck was there to greet her with a huge smile on his face. She had never known Chuck to be a naturally happy, smiley guy, but their past few weeks together he hadn't been able to wipe that silly smile of his face. He picked her up and twirled her around before planting a huge kiss on her lips. Chuck seemed to be in just as giddy and playful of a mood as she was in. She loved this side of Chuck that no one but her got to see. Slowly she began stepping away from him with a smirk on her face.

"Waldorf" he drew out, "where do you think you're going?"

Her lips curved as she raised her eyebrow and said, "Try and catch me, Bass!" With that she took off up the stairs and into his room. He purposely let make it all the way to the bed before he pulled her to him, "Gotcha!" She squealed in delight as he tossed her to he bed. They began wrestling each other on the bed removing each others clothes, laughing in between kisses. By the time they were both unclothed Blair pinned Chuck to the bed leaning over him she said softly, "Gotcha." Playfulness was replaced with passion as Blair kissed Chuck with all her might. She balanced herself over him, and then slowly impaled her body onto his cock.

Blair slowly began working her rhythm enjoying the feeling of her lover's hands roaming all over her body. She closed her eyes as she continued moving slowly up and down Chuck. Their breaths became labored as they both started getting closer to reaching their peaks. Chuck ran his hands from her ass to her breast where he cupped them and tweaked her hard peaks. Blair threw her head back and called out Chuck's name. He always knew exactly where to touch her to make her go crazy with pleasure. Knowing that she was getting close, Chuck put his hands on her hips and began moving her quickly up and down his throbbing hard cock. She leaned into kiss him passionately as she ground herself into him. Blair heard Chuck breathlessly confess, "I love you Blair."

And with that their perfect cocoon they had created for themselves collapsed, and their love for each other that they had managed to keep a secret since they were fifteen years old bust open in the blink of an eye.

**A/N: So we're all caught up to the begining of the story. Now we get the drama! :) Hope you enjoyed!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you again to everyone reading and reviewing. I meant to ask at the end of last chapter, but while you were reading did you realize that the story was catching back up to the first scene in chapter one when Nate discovers Chuck and Blair? I was hoping that it mirrored each other enough to make it not obvious but that the reader would recognize the scence. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters. **

Blair and Chuck stayed hidden away in Chuck's childhood penthouse in the Palace the whole next day after Nate had discovered them. Blair had done her best to help the bruising and swelling in Chuck's face to go down. It was all her fault. She had come in between these two friends, and now she had no clue what her future held for her. Everything had always been so planned out. For the first time in her life she did not know what was going to become of her. She didn't know what made her feel sicker, the guilt of being discovered with Chuck or no longer knowing what her life was going to be. Chuck tried to comfort her, but he didn't get it. She didn't know who she was anymore. She always thought being with Chuck completed her, he understood her in a way no one ever could. However, she had always seen herself as Mrs. Nate Archibald, and now with that gone she didn't know who she was.

Chuck and Blair were laying next to each other in bed. Chuck was trying to make plans with her to get her stuff from DC and move into his apartment. Blair was half way listening, too lost in her thoughts to really respond. Her phone rang snapping her out of her own head; the caller ID flashed her mother's name. "Oh God, I cannot talk to her now. She has to have heard by now. I can't do this."

"Just answer it Blair. The sooner we get through this the sooner we can be together." He laced his fingers through hers to give her some sort of support.

With a audible inhale she answered, "Hello Mother."

Surprisingly Eleanor voice sounded calm yet direct. "Blair, you need to come home now. We have a lot of things to discuss. I will be expecting you in twenty minutes." With that Eleanor hung up. She did not have to raise her voice for Blair to interpret her anger.

Blair placed her phone down on the bed and began rising to her feet. She couldn't look back at Chuck. Seeing his face reminded her that every bruise was all her fault. If only she had had the courage to have been honest with Nate in the first place, but brave was something Blair Waldorf wasn't. She was selfish, and for as long as she can remember she strung both of these men along. Needed them both and using them to make her feel loved, and desired. Understood. Truly in her heart she did love both of these men. They had been there her whole life and she needed both of them to feel absolute. But now Nate would never forgive her, and the thought of him being gone from her life killed her.

"I've got to go home."

"I'll come with you." With that Chuck began to get out of the bed.

"No. Stay. I need to do this on my own. You being there won't help." She finally turned to look at him. She stroked his cheek softly with her hand. "But thank you. You need to stay here and recover. Walk me to the door."

Chuck was clinging to her hand as if he was scared to actually let her out of the apartment. Once she got to his door she turned to look him deep in his eyes. "I'm going to talk things over with my mother and then I'm going to come back. I'll be right back Chuck." She tried to reassure him. "Everyone is going to be upset, but I'm just going to explain to them that what we have is real and they can either choose to support us or not. Nothing is going to get in our way again. I promise. I promise Chuck; I'll be back."

He released a long slow breath and pulled her to him. He kissed her forehead. "I love you so much Blair. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't care who tries to stand in our way. Go and smooth things over, and I will be waiting her for you. When you come back we can finally start our lives together. No more hiding our love for each other." He ran his hands down her arms pulling her hands to his lips kissing her knuckles.

"I'll be back." With that she turned and walked out the door.

Chuck placed a call to his driver to take him back to his apartment to grab something out of his safe. He then called down to room service to have champagne sent up later that night. He had waited his whole life for Blair Waldorf to be his and he wasn't going to let one more day go by without making it official. He had bought the ring the week after she had come back to his apartment and they had spent the weekend making love. There was nothing he had ever been more sure of than his unwavering love for her.

When Blair walked through the elevator into the living room she was surprised to find not only Eleanor waiting for her but Anne Archibald and Nate as well. Her stomach flip flopped when she saw Nate sitting there watching her walk in. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. The last time she had seen him he was so angry and hurt, but now his face seemed more anxious than angry.

"Blair sit down." Eleanor demanded and Blair took a seat where her mother pointed next to Nate. "Blair, Anne and I are very worried and upset with your behavior. We both understand having cold feet and wanting to rebel, but do you understand the consequences of your actions? You are getting married in less than a month. Its time to let go of _certain _infatuations and get serious about your future."

Shocked Blair studdered, "But...but I don't understand." She looked to Nate whose blue eyes were stuck to her. "I thought you called of the engagement. I mean after what happened yesterday..."

"Blair I..." Nate began but was interuppted by Anne.

"Blair darling. Nate was upset yesterday and may have said and done things he is not proud of. However after taking time to calm down he realizes he still does want to marry you. You two are meant for each other. I think that maybe the two of you just needed to see what was out there to really realize that you belong with each other." She smiled though her face practically did not move.

Nate took Blair's hand. "Blair can I please talk to you in private?"

"Um, okay." Blair was in shock. It was almost as if she were having an out of body experience. This meeting was so surreal there was no way it was really happening. She followed Nate to her bedroom where he closed the door behind them allowing them the privacy he wanted.

"Nate, whats going on here? This cannot be the way you really feel. You said we were done yesterday. I just don't really understand what you're doing here." She paced back and forth worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Blair, stop." Nate put his hands on her shoulders to get her still then lead her to sit on the chaise. "To say I was upset yesterday would be the understatement of the century, but my mother was right. I did take time to do a lot of soul searching and thinking about everything in our past; everything in our future. And I realized Blair that all of this is my fault. I have never been there for you like you needed me to be. I've always put sports then school and my career before you, and practically sent you into his arms." He took a deep breath and continued. "I know I may not be as passionate or as deep as Chuck, but my love for you is real. I love you Blair, and I want to marry you. I want to be the man who is good enough for you. Who is strong for you. I want to be the man you turn to. I want all those things for us, Blair. I can't imagine my life without you. This has nothing to do with our parents or what we've been brought up to believe. This is about me and you and our love for each other."

Silent tears were streaming down Blair's face. Nate had never opened up to her before. She had always assumed he loved her because he was told to. She never really thought his love for her went so deep. A sharp pang of guilt ran through her as Chuck's face flashed before her eyes.

"I love you Blair, and that's why I am going to let you choose. Really think about it. Who do you want to be with, him or me. And don't think about what our parents want or anything. What do you want Blair, because if you choose to be with me then its for good. I want to be the only man in your life. However, if you decide Chuck is the man you want to be with then I will respect that decision and let you two be together." Blair thought back to just a couple of months ago when Chuck had asked her to make the same decision. She had made it that day; she chose Chuck. So why was she sitting here trying to decided all over again. Maybe because before she still felt like it wasn't real. That her and Chuck would always be safe from the public eye, but now she was actually being honest with herself. She had to choose one of these two men that she had been in love with her whole life. Which one could she let go of. Which life did she want? The wife of a powerful businessman full of passion and darkness. Who saw her flaws and all and still loved her, maybe even more for them. Or was it with the politician. The all-American boy. Sweet and simple; safe. The life she had always wanted for herself. Nate left and she spent the rest of the night really being honest with herself about what she wanted for herself, and the more she thought about it the more she realized what her decision had to be.

At 2:00 in the morning Blair sent a text to Chuck. Then she ran to the bathroom and expelled all the anxiety she had inside her. She hated herself for the choices she had made that brought her to this point in her life. She had played with the two people she loved in the world and now she would spend the rest of her life being punished because no matter what she chose she would lose part of herself forever.

Chuck's phone buzzed and he rushed over to grab it. He had been anxiously waiting to Blair to show up and had been pacing all over the penthouse for hours. He starred at the phone reading her message over and over again.

"I'm sorry."

He was paralyzed. He stood there standing still for what seemed like an eternity, and then will all his strength threw his phone at the mirror over the mantel shattering it into millions of pieces. He'd lost her. He didn't know what had changed between now and when she left, but he knew he had lost Blair Waldorf forever.

**A/N: okay so I know you guys hate me bc she chose Nate and not Chuck, but this story was never meant to have a happy ending. Acutally the ending I have planned out is a tear jerker. However, please continue reading bc Chuck and Blair are nowhere near over and there is A LOT of drama coming up! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you to everyone reading and enjoying this story. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or characters.**

Nate took a seat silently beside Chuck at the bar. Chuck who was nursing a scotch didn't look up to acknowledge him. Nate motioned to the bar tender for a drink and the two friends sat in silence nursing their beverages. Nate was the first to break the silence. "I know you love her, but I do too. I admit being in shock when I saw you two together. I reacted rashly, and I regret that. But I love her man." Nate paused to take a long slow drink.

Chuck's jaw clinched his nostrils flared "What are you doing here Nate?" His voice was scruff from drinking and lack of sleep. For once in his life Chuck had given no thought to his appearance. His hair was disheveled over a days worth of growth on his chin. His eyes red; he looked as broken as he felt.

Anger flashed in Nate's blue eyes, but quickly disappeared. "Chuck, listen. I came to talk. We-we need to talk about what's happened." Nate threw back his drink and the bartender poured him another. "Everything I've ever known about my life has been turned upside down. I had my girl and my best friend, but it turns out the whole time my best friend was sleeping with my girl." Nate's voice cracked slightly. "I just- this whole time you were lying to my face. I love you both and you both betrayed me."

"Don't pretend to be innocent Nathaniel. You forget who you use to run to with all your stories of your conquests."

Nate leaned in closer, "Then you know perfectly well how seriously I've taken my relationship with Blair since college. Yes we were young and I made some bad decisions, but that has been years. I have been completely devoted to Blair and you know that. However the whole time you were sleeping with her. What, did you take advantage of her Chuck? We both know Blair has" he swallowed "issues. Is that what it was. She was in one of her moods and you somehow talked her into your bed?"

Chuck stood up and got into Nate's face. "I've never taken advantage of her. I love her. I always have. And if you ever say anything like that to me again Nathaniel I promise I will not be as civil." With that Chuck began to walk away.

Nate called out to him before he got too far. "I gave her a choice, Chuck. I put the decision in her hands, you or me. I'm sorry. She made her choice."

Chuck let a small chuckle slip, "Yeah, well forgive me if I don't take much value in Blair Waldorf's choices." With that he left Nate sitting at the bar.

The Bass annual Women's Shelter of New York gala was hands down the black tie event of the year. Everyone who was anyone in New York society was at the gala held at the Palace, while Chuck Bass was hiding out in the private library at the hotel. He had been avoiding society, but since he was the face of Bass Industries he had to be present for the event raising money for their largest philanthropy. He knew she had walked into the library before he had seen her. His body had a way of sensing her presence.

"What do you want."

"Please, Chuck let me explain." Her voice sounded so sad it almost made his heart hurt for her. Chuck turned around to finally face her. His breath caught at the sight of her in the floor length black gown what accented her delicate shoulders. Her hair pulled up elongating her swan like neck.

"Blair, I can't do this. You broke my heart. I'm sorry I just don't want to hear anything you have to say. Nothing will make this better."

"Chuck, please. I know what I've done is horrible, but you'll never know how sorry I am." Tears were slowly crawling down her face. She let out a slow breath. "I know everything between us was real. I was ready to leave him I wanted my life to be with you. However, when I sat down after Nate told me to choose I really thought about what I wanted in my life. With you I know we'd always have the heat and the passion. You know me better than I know myself Chuck. You've always been the the one to pick me up. You know about all of my issues and you've never once judged me." She took one step closer to him and he reflectively stepped back. Unwilling to let her chip at his shield. "When I sat down and really thought about that I realized that it terrified me. When I'm with Nate I get to be Blair Waldorf...society darling. Daughter of Harold and Eleanor Waldorf. People look up to me. They copy my style, they admire my drive and intelligence and they envy my perfect life with my perfect fiance."

Chuck's face grimaced. It still turned his stomach after all these years to hear her refer to Nate as perfect. Blair continued, "With you though, I'm Blair Waldorf, broken girl. Plotter and schemer; willing to take out anyone who stands in my way. I'm the girl who isn't able to get out of bed. I'm the girl who spends her nights leaning over a toilet seat forcing myself to get sick. Chuck, I don't want to be that girl. I want to be the Blair Waldorf that people fear but respect. That's the powerful society woman, and with you I will always be the Blair Waldorf with a shadow over me."

Chuck watched her as she cried. "Blair, you'll have those issues with me or with Nate."

"Yes, but with Nate I get to pretend. I get to be the Blair I always wanted to be."

"Well then, I guess you made the right choice then. If you'll excuse me I think I'm needed in the party." He walked past her breathing her in one last time. He would never forget the way she smelled. It was his comfort for so many years, though now he was sure that smell would now only remind him of the feeling of his heart crumbling.

Blair slowly turned to watch him walk out the door. "I love you Chuck."

She said it so softly she wasn't sure if he had heard her. He stopped walking but did not turn around. He stood there like a statue for what felt like forever. His broad shoulders moving up and down with each breath. The fit of his custom tailored tuxedo was truly a work of art that Blair couldn't help but appreciate even at a time like this. "Well that's too bad." He didn't turn to look at her as he said it, but kept his face towards the door. The words hung in the air ringing over and over again like an echo in her head. With that Chuck Bass walked out the door, and Blair Waldorf watched him walked away with her heart.

She loved him too much to let him settle for her. She loved Chuck too much to let him give up his life taking care of her. Making sure she took her medication was seeing her therapist. She was sick, even more than Chuck knew, and he deserved to be with someone as strong as him. With Nate she could hide this part of her. They talked the night she told him she would go through with the marriage. Blair confessed to Nate everything her doctors had diagnosed with, and he vowed to always be there for her in any way she needed. Chuck was all consuming where Nate was light and easy. She knew she needed light and easy. So she let Chuck believe that she had chosen Nate because she still wanted that dream she wanted for so long, when really she knew that she would only drag Chuck down with her. He would lose himself in her, and she wouldn't let him.

The wedding of Nathaniel Archibald and Blair Waldorf was written about in all of the society papers. Two huge Upper East Side families coming together. Many commented that they had never seen a ceremony so beautiful or a couple so in love. The Spring day was perfect for a white wedding and everything went off without a hitch.

On the day of their wedding Nathaniel Archibald announced that he would be running for a seat in the House of Representatives after the honeymoon.

On the day of their wedding Chuck Bass was half way around the world drowning his sorrows in a new investment in Japan and a bottle of scotch trying to forget the two people he loved most in the world.

On the day of their wedding Blair Waldorf was two months pregnant.

End of Part II

**A/N: So there has been some reference throughout a lot of part II about Blair's mental illness. I see her as suffering from severe depression and anxiety which hopefully shines some light on the decisions she's made. Part three is going to mainly focus on Blair's illness and how that continues to hold these three people together. I hope you continue to read, but I have no intentsions on changing the sad mood that I have planned for Part 3. I really wanted this story to be about the lives of these three friends who do all love each other but are fated to have a tragic end. I've gotten lots of inspiration from Ledgends of the Fall. Mostly in the way the movie starts off with a happy family and most of the family ends tragically. So I've really wanted this journey start bright and go through a life of decisions and heartbreak that literally shatter these three people. Also, I'm assuming that Blair does not know about her pregnancy yet. **


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Unfortunately, this is not an update yet. I lost focus for this story and then got really busy with life and was unable to pick it back up. I recently started another story with a much happier plot named There You Are Again. Please check that out; I think its going to be a nice story. I still really believe in Shattered Lives though and am really going to focus on finishing it. Hopefully I've been sparked with some motivation!

xoxo

D


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